Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Never Ending Conversation

As a couple, the truth is your "talks" are actually never ending conversations.
We tend to go over the same issues with our partners, perhaps with different words, but the same meaning is there.

Can you be clear with your partner about what you expect?
Are you able to see what your partner does for you and vice versa?
Can you talk about the behaviour that you find unacceptable and find the courage to say no more?

It is key to know what you need from your partner, how to be yourself and feeling understood.
I believe it is good to say that you have needs, want to be desired, have intimacy and creating a living space that allows everyone to flourish.

Understanding these ideas can help to sustain your relationship.
Working at a relationship is just that work!
Knowing what you need can help to create a sense of tolerance with each other.  This can allow for one to let go of resentment that can be built up over time and  creates disharmony in the couple.
When in a session, I ask people to be honest, take a step back and look at their "stuff" not just their partners.
Do that for yourself and enjoy the ride.

The Self check up for a relationship

Whether you are in a relationship or single, I think it is important to understand the type of relationship that you want to have.
Lets go through some of the basics.
Take a chance and discover yourself!

Think about these questions and answer truthfully.

1.  Do you feel that you can give, take, ask, say yes or no in a relationship?

2.  If asked, how would you describe your relationship?

3.  When in a relationship, how do you see the impact of your own childhood on your reactions to your                

      partner?

Once you answer and if you are in a relationship, talk through the answers.
What can you learn from each other and how to improve your evolving relationship.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Kid Suicide and the news

Anderson Cooper CNN had a bullying program on this evening.
It was tragic to watch how many kids have committed suicide and the stories of bullying.
I think that Bully's see themselves as having power and groupings are such a powerful tool to making kids feel isolated.
Help kids to feel supported, listen to them and their friends.
The idea that kids appear to be growing up without  empathy is a scary thought.
Lets help them to know that the world can be a safe place and they don't need to feel shame for being gay, lesbian or just not part of the norm!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Homework abound!

There has been much debate over the years regarding the necessity of copious amounts of homework for kids.
Can you tell my thought on this one!
The issue of homework often comes up when working with couples who have children.  The stress of homework is not only felt by the child, but also the parents.  Homework can trigger many unresolved issues for the couple around communication and parenting styles.
I have heard stories of children crying, while their parents argue over how much time and the quality of the work done.


How can you help yourself and child with homework which seems to "keep on coming"?

1. I always say ask for help from the Teachers,  hopefully they can begin to help children learn strategies
    for doing homework on their own.
2.  Try to keep the time manageable for the child, as to not feel too overwhelmed.
3.  Think about the study space for your child, comfortable seat or walking area, desk and surrounding  
    noise. I know many children who like to walk around while they are practicing for spelling.
4. Allow children the opportunity to feel successful and engage in the conversations if possible.
5.  it is key that children learn how to work on their own for independence.
6.  Talk as a couple and ask what is important for the family, what are the role models that you want to
     give to your children, be aware of your own "school bags", your expectations, encourage for trying
     and knowing that failure is actually part of the puzzle for success!

Monday, October 4, 2010

The chill in the air

Good morning, as the weather changes it reminds us all of the constant need to take care of ourselves.
Many people feel the affects of the season changes and impacts on one's mood and outlook.
How to help yourself during the shifts?  I say wear a warm sweater!
It is important to be aware of your feelings and thoughts and I really believe that routine is key.
Feeling that you have routine helps sooth the anxiety and can give one a sense of empowerment.
Think about making plans for yourself, keep connected with family and friends.
I know not many people like to hear this but, any form of exercise can be helpful.
Enjoy the colors of the leaves.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Yes, you can talk about Sex

Talking about sex can be a difficult topic for many people.  Even though we live in a tech savvy world where Sex is available 24/7, the topic can still be a shy place to visit.
Being comfortable to talk about sex can be linked to one's sense of self, identity, culture and family back ground.
I have had the honor of working with many people through my private practice and listening to stories about sex and  relationships.
Allowing oneself to talk about sex can help to break down myths and expectations!
 I can not tell you how many times people ask me "what is the normal frequency of having sex?"  Everyone is different and for many people it is not once a day, I kid you not!
Becoming more comfortable with the topic of sex can connect to feeling ok with your own body as well.
To begin with:
1. It is important to understand your own bodies (that means the bits and pieces of you)
2. Think about what you want to learn about sex.. anatomy, positions, communication ...
3. Do some research, talk to a therapist or your family doctor for advice and resources.
4. Knowledge is power -
5. Empower yourself about sex

Let's get started, shall we...

Couple's Therapy - really?


It depends on the needs of the couple for seeking out external support.  Some couples want therapy to better enrich their relationships.   Some couples seek therapy because they are in crisis and want a supportive atmosphere to gain insight and new strategies.


What to talk about in couple's therapy?
anything and everything!


communication
trust
sex
intimacy
children
affairs
addictions
finances
families


Individual Therapy - I'm good!


Individual therapy gives people an opportunity to explore stressful situations or re-occuring issues that they have in their lives.


what to talk about:
career
depression
anxiety
relationships
family
friends
communication
body images
self esteem
grief and loss

Sex Therapy - What for??


Sex therapy is an opportunity for individuals or couples to explore sexual issues and concerns.  


I hope this helps to understand the reasons for wanting or thinking about Therapy.